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These past 3 weeks have been full of intense experiences…so much so that I haven’t had time to write and if I had, I wouldn’t have known what to focus on! Beginning with the “now” (shouldn’t we always live in that space?):

I am in Arizona now…have been since the 21st…working at the hospital in Tuba City, on the Navaho reservation. The landscape is spectacular, but it took a few days before I could drive around to appreciate it (I arrived at night and went to work first thing the next morning…and the next, and the next). Here is what I missed seeing on the road into Tuba:

Today I went back down that same road to Cameron Trading Post to see if I might spend some time there with a weaver. Sadly no one was at the loom, but I will try to go back another day…it is only 24 miles away. Nevertheless, the landscape was worth the trip:

I am cherishing the time here, even though it means that I am not at home with my dear Brook and all the animals. I talk to him every evening on the computer video link; thank goodness for that!

Tuba City is higher than we are at home (4500 feet), but the temperatures are similar. Nights in the teens and days in the high-twenties / low-thirties. I woke up to some snow on Christmas morning. But by noon it was gone…still a nice touch for me. I LOVE winter….

The dogs love it too, and this day, Finn preferred sitting in the snow to coming into the house with me:

Before I left home, our winter began (at 2:30 PM on Friday, Dec. 12). I had just come home from Baker City getting new snow tires on our little Toyota Prius (aka Robbie, the robot). Just a few flakes were coming down, but by evening the ground was covered.

Brook tells me that it snows a little almost every day, and now we have 2 feet +on the ground. Nothing to the snow Kathy is experiencing in Flagstaff though! I hope to be able to spend more time with them while I am here…she and Ralph met me at the airport when I came in, fed me, gave me a “care pack” of treats and AZ info, and helped me on to the road to Tuba City…I left feeling warm and welcome here in AZ!

The last blog detailed my personal pain, but there is another sadness that lurks in my mind…and something that I do not relish talking about. But a couple of days ago Tina passed along the Meme from Miss Peach’s blog and this lead me to look in our photo files (sixth folder, sixth photo).

That photo is of Centaurus as a lamb. So it seemed that I had to bring up this subject, as painful as it has been to me.

Here he was….a lovely fellow in all ways. Centaurus grew into a beautiful ram, and has sired (let me see now) 9 ewes still in our flock and the ram, Andante (who was sold; he and his get were consistent prize-winners in the show-ring). We were so impressed with Centaurus’s genetics that we bought back an Andante daughter this year…a lovely dark brown lamb (Misty View Sprite)

As many of you know, Centaurus broke his leg last September, and was given the chance to live and pass along his excellent genetics; he was splinted and did heal reasonably well, with a little deformity, but not too bad considering the severity of the fracture.

Centaurus lived in a paddock beside the house for these past 3 months with his wether-son Achilles, so that he would not be lonely. On Wednesday, they were about to rejoin the ram-flock; we had decided to put him with the ram-lambs to protect him from further damage this winter.

The day he was to be transferred, Centaurus charged and knocked down a friend who came to help me with the exchange…happily she was not severely injured. The same day, he charged me, and on another occasion, Brook….he did not connect, but the will to attack was clearly there.

Centaurus is no longer with us….he was loved, cared for, and protected from harm for his whole life, but he ultimately was willing to do damage to humans. Granted it is high testosterone season, but we cannot live with a ram who is dangerous and willing to attack, whatever the circumstances. There are many reasons why he might have stepped over the line….but NO excuses.

I guess that this is the ultimate conclusion of our ToughLove philosophy….and this week, we had to “walk the walk”, not just “talk the talk.”

A couple of days ago, this little black ram-lamb was bashing the barn where the little boys and wethers are housed, so when usual measures (ToughLove variety) didn’t work, his little backside was thrown into DETENTION (read: the big boys pen). This gave him something to think about!

He will go back with the little fellows soon, but may go back as a wether….his horns are clear, but possibly too close for my taste. Too bad, he and his sister both had blindingly lustrous lamb-fleeces. I have held off so far because his fleece is still exceptional and I DID want to have him turn out well as a ram…but he may fail both the horn and the behavior test! Time will tell…..

As for me, I have been in a self-imposed “detention”…I am finding myself with no energy to write, or indeed to do much of anything these past few days. I am in the midst of an attack of the facial neuralgia (Trigeminal Neuralgia) that has plagued me off and on for most of the past 25 years. You can learn more about it here at the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association website where you can learn more than you ever wanted to know about this “beast”.

Basically TN is a misfiring of the nerves that give pain sensation to the face….similar to the pain when a dentist hits a nerve. There are 3 divisions to this nerve, but the second division is the one that causes my pain. It involves the entire side of my face from below the eye to the upper jaw. It is an electric jolt that, in my case, can repeat itself a couple of times per second for a minute or two at a time….or can be a searing burning pain. It is exhausting and although the rest of me can function if I have to…..talking eating, brushing my teeth, even smiling can set off a jolt.

Knowing this about me serves no useful purpose except to explain why I might not write from time to time, or be able to talk on the phone, and why I might shun activities that genuinely give me joy….TN has made me more insular than I ever wanted to be.