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I haven’t blogged much in the past few months, mostly because I found that I had too many stressors to give me the leisure…and I didn’t want to put all my distress out there. No one needs to share another’s angst…we all have our own. And I feel that blogging should be interesting and enjoyable…and uplifting if possible. And for a while, I didn’t have anything to say that was. This post will clear out much of the rubble in my mind (at least, the things that I can talk about), and name the most recent troubles….in 2010, hopefully I can carry on.

I am back in Arizona this week and next, after spending a lovely quiet Christmas with my sweetheart and my dear animals. I talk to Brook each night on a video link (sometimes Apple’s iChat, sometimes Skype); it makes our time apart bearable. He tells me that we had 6″ more inches of snow yesterday and tonight it is snowing heavily….should be up to a couple of feet this week by the time the storm has passed. (THEY mentioned the R-word in the forecast, but I am not believing them).

I had a pleasant surprise when I woke up in Tuba City on Tuesday morning….I was thrilled, but not everyone else here was:

See the footprints under the tree? Those belonged to a horse who was grazing at the motel last night, and who must have spent the night by my window. He wasn’t too social, but he obviously knew that I loved him.

I am grateful to this lovely young horse for being near; that connection feels so important to me just now. For all the joy I have in being here on the Navaho Reservation, it has been especially hard to leave our horses and in particular, my dear old friend Titan. I think that of all the recent animal crises, his blindness has been the worst.

Aside from my birth family, ours has been my longest relationship (Titan will be 28 this coming year)…and he is absolutely the one who has been with me on a day to day basis the longest of anyone in my life. Now he has had to be confined away from the pastures and paddocks because he panics when he can’t find the other horses and runs straight into things. Which he did…I will spare you the details.

Perhaps you can see how cloudy his eyes are. Conventional medicine has done nothing to help him (and indeed there may be nothing that will), but we have been consulting with a homeopathic veterinarian who has given remedies that at least keep him comfortable, and more or less calm in his confinement. There is the possibility that his eyes could clear, and that keeps us hanging on.

From time to time, I think that Titan is wretched and doesn’t want to live anymore, but then he rallies and seems almost content. I think that the love and attention, and the treats and yummy things to eat make all the difference to him. We won’t let him suffer…but have to try for as long as HE wants to live.

The last visit to Tuba City was traumatic too, because our Toby-dog, who had to have knee surgery (cruciate ligament repair) while I was away, ripped all his stitches out at 5 days. Brook got him to the vet and had him sewn back up; had to deal with that all alone (although I was ready to bolt and come home on the day after it happened). Brook improvised a neck brace/restraint for the crisis time, but ultimately did manage to find a restraint that worked (Toby destroyed the Elizabethan collar!):

He is healing now and walking on all 4 legs most of the time. We are relieved!

The last animal angst this year has been fighting rams….this has been the worst fall and winter ever….and I have to believe that it is due to having so many upwardly mobile young lads in the adult ram group. I can’t fathom the problem with the ram-lambs…just too much testosterone. In the big-boy group, there were seemingly never ending battles, and bloody heads, and broken horns. We ultimately had to move a couple of rams in with the young ones to protect them from the bullies.

Some of the persistently aggressive boys won’t be staying on with us (past next Monday), no matter how nice their fleeces are or how friendly to people. Although I am spared being there, i am filled with sadness at this necessity. But we can’t keep rams who consistently seek fights and intend on ending the lives of their victims.

I should mention that there have been some very good things this year, but sadly it feels as though these got lost in all the troubles. I will try to focus on those in future blogs…they deserve the time. All in all 2009 was a tough year…..on so many levels. I want 2010 to be more than the new year…but a BRAND NEW YEAR. A new beginning that started with the Solstice and continues as more and more light returns each day.

WELCOME 2010…..